Committed
"Now I feel like killing myself, but luckily I'm too depressed to bother."
--Hard Harry, Pump up the Volume
There's been a lot of talk on the Internet this week about fan outrage, the role of film critics, and the world's most famous review-aggregator. It's all very exhausting and very stupid, and I have neither the energy to fight the tide nor to write about the film that inspired this latest flare-up. Presented here, largely without comment and completely without editorial meddling, is an email from "J0e K3rr", which darkened my Inbox this morning.
Enjoy.
Ian. Havent read your stuff in awhile cause I've been super swapmed w/work and family and other stuff (I'm sure you know how it goes) but I finally cuaght uop with Batman versus Superman the other day in anticipation of Suicicde Squad, and then I read both your reviews and I gotta say...I'm really disappointed in you. YOu re the reason I'm giving up on ready online film criticsim and I want you to know why and I hope you're proud of yourself.
You see, i was able to catch a sneak preview of suicid Squad the other night (we mightve evne been at the same screening? I wasn't sure if it was you but I htink i know what you look like. i was gonna maybe say someting to you afterwords bout it looked like youwere recording a pocast withsome guy out in the lobby).
Anyways, i haven't seen a review of it yet from you, so I assume your either not gonna write about it oyour just haven't gotten around to it, or as usual you're probaly just insecure becuase other critics got their reviews out earlier (and better( then you---but I won't read it anyways cause based on bwyat you said about bVS I already know what you're going to say. Youre just gonna hop on the Rotten Tomatoes bandwagon wtih all the other paid-of-by Marvel, fun-hating critis and say its terrible because its a comic-book movie.
Well I'm here to tell you you're rwong and why you're wrong. I know ou're not gonna have the balls to post this or even probly read this so whatever but i gonnat get This out. SUicide SQUAD is one of the best films of the year. Not movies, films. Yah, iI know you're rolling you're eyse, but let me finish. David Ayers has brogut us the PERFECt SUPER HERO MOVIE presicisely because it's not about heroes its about villains which is what. defines. heroes.
YOu complained that in BatmanSuperman and Man of Steel that therewas no plot and the charadcters sdisn't make since and it was too long and darka nd not what he comic books were about or the charactgers, but a) you were wrong and b) if you wnat to say the same thing about suicdie CSquad than like the jOker would say Ha Ha Ha Ha" the jokes on you.--don'ty you get it? This is the movie where it's about insance people --insane criminals so it's DC and wrraner Brothrs basicalya nswering the critics by giving them am ovei that's SUPPOSED to be crazy and not make sense.
They even tricked you in to thinking it was gonna bie this really fun, nutty actuion adventure movie with and not the somber, dark tone of the other DC movies. Here! Look! Explostions and
crazy characters! Ha! No the movie is actually really long and kind of boring (actually really boring in parts) but that's what tursn it all on it's head: when you expect a thrill ride and get a rip off of Escape FROM NEW YOURK and the climactic of GHOSTBUSTERS (the real one, not that pussy-ass SJW shit I saw you liked--didn't read the rveview cause i didn't want to lose more respect for you at that time and I was busy like I said before); but anyways its like Ayers and the writer knew that people were expecting a big twist on hero movies so they boy sure gave it to them by not having much of a mission for this roges' gallery of batman villains and basically having them walk around an empty city for two hours shooting aliens and hunting witches and weird cyber monsters and bickering but we all know they're sofies really, even though thery're supposed to be legity hardcore killers.
So the one thing we probly agree on is that the bigbad villain was really fucin dumb. I mean she's a witch with all the most crazy powers more powerful than any person in the DC U or like thy say she is, but for some reasn she has to build a MACHINE to wipe out humanity? And shes DATING the main army guy who looks after the suicide suqad? this movie is basically a chick flick like what they did with MY man Joker--making him basically be just in "LOVE" with harley quinne and basically popping up just to laugh and look like a guy who watched the old Batman movies and love the joker and wanted to be a hip hop rapper. Jared Letto wast wasted here, but at least Ayers gave us plenty to look at with Harley's sweet little @$$ in those shorts. Imean yah, ther's not much more to her thans in the trailers, but at least its eye candy.
OTjer then that I loved that we dint' get to know anyof the characters beyond the cliche stuff we see in all these movies. I mean they tried with that mexican guy and the Witch before she became stupid but I think Ayers and the writers thought "Nah, too much deep story lets get back to Will smith doing his trademark singe tear and wisecracks thing." Or "its been five minutes without explosins well leave the character stuff for the sequel."By giving us what we've sseen a billion times before but mixed with other stuff we've seen a thousand times before and by buicling up the hype machine surrounding it you get something that defies expectations by being exactly what you expected. Its kind of like that netflix show STRANGER THINgs (which i also love cause like they say A LOT "hey do you rembember Stephen kinG an dits like of course because it's ALL Stephen king!")
So the point is, you'll probably hat this movie because its unoriginal, relaly drags in a lot of places, there's no way any of these half thought out sedonc rate bad guys would even last two seconds against Batfleck, and lots of other easons that have not thing to to with being a fun turn your brain off kind of movie and i'm tired of reading your tired shit about how peopel deserve to be engaged or whatever when they spend theyre hard earned- money on movie s that are sold to thenm like its something new an d interesting and worh their time.Well theres no resaon to see this movie and its gonna maeke a lot of money this weeekend and you'll still be the sad little day-job having wanna be film critic crying on his keyboard because no one will listen to you crying about quality. I won't be reading eithers, I'll be too busy telling all my friends to go see it twice so it'll make a ton of money so we can get more movies that piss off people like you who demand more from movies even thogu its lie demanding McDONALDS be real food just cuase it says it is on the commersials. so I guess there's no point to that eithier. Guess that makes me dumb according to you.